Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. In any organisation, you’re bound to work with colleagues you don’t particularly trust or even like. Perhaps they have a knack for sidestepping responsibility, a talent for taking credit for your work, or simply a style that grates on you. The reality is, unless you’re working in complete isolation, navigating these relationships is a core part of the job. There’s no getting around it.
Truly effective collaboration isn’t just about camaraderie and shared coffees. It’s built on a bedrock of professionalism, a laser focus on mutual goals, and the discipline to adapt your approach without losing your integrity. The strategies I’ll outline here provide a practical, people-first framework for handling these delicate dynamics with composure and skill.
Start with realistic expectations and a bit of self-awareness
Trust is a delicate thing, and it’s rarely absolute in a professional setting. The very first step is to recalibrate your own expectations. Not every colleague needs to be a trusted confidante, and that’s perfectly fine. Your job isn’t to force a friendship; it’s to uphold your own professional standards and get the work done.
This is where your emotional intelligence becomes your greatest tool. It’s vital to acknowledge what you’re feeling, but it’s your actions that truly define you. When you feel that frustration or disappointment bubbling up, anchor yourself to the objective: delivering excellent work, no matter the interpersonal static. In doing so, you build a powerful reputation for being unflappable, reliable and professional under pressure.
Hold a mirror up before you react
It’s all too easy to focus on what others are doing wrong, but real leadership begins with a moment of reflection. Ask yourself some honest questions: Have I been crystal clear in my communications? Have I held up my end of the bargain? Is it possible I’ve unwittingly contributed to this friction?
Quite often, the root of the problem isn’t malice but a simple miscommunication. A small disconnect, left to fester, can easily snowball into a major issue. Sometimes, a subtle adjustment in your own behaviour is all that’s needed to create the space for others to respond in kind. I’ve often seen in high-pressure environments, like hospitality, that when one person consciously raises their standard, others tend to follow suit. That’s how you cultivate a culture of excellence from the ground up.
Set clear boundaries to create focus, not division
When trust is thin on the ground, clear boundaries become non-negotiable. Think of them not as walls to keep people out, but as guardrails that keep everyone in their lane and focused on the road ahead. You need to define what you require to work effectively and then communicate it, respectfully and early on.
Imagine a colleague who constantly delivers their part of a project at the very last minute. A calm but firm statement like, “To do my best work on this, I’ll need your input by Thursday. I won’t be able to turn it around with any less notice,” does two things. It protects your time and quality of work, while also signalling a need for mutual professional respect. Good boundaries don’t close doors; they bring much-needed clarity to the process.
Shift your focus to the shared outcome
It’s incredibly tempting to get bogged down in personal grievances, but our work is rarely about individual victories. A powerful tactic is to deliberately refocus any difficult conversation on your shared objectives. What is the common goal here? What distinct roles do we both play in getting us there?
When you lead with the outcome, not with your personal opinion of someone, you cleverly transform interpersonal tension into a shared focus on the task. This mindset doesn’t just cut through the friction; it reinforces your reputation as a reliable operator. It shows everyone that you can steer the ship towards its destination, even when the waters get a bit choppy. That’s a quality every forward-thinking organisation is desperate for.
Look for those small threads of common ground
Even in the most difficult professional relationships, you can usually find some hidden threads of connection. It might be a joint commitment to delivering high-quality work, a professional mentor you both respect, or even the shared pressure of dealing with the same tricky client. Finding even a tiny sliver of shared experience can be enough to thaw an icy dynamic.
No, you don’t need to suddenly become best mates. But humanising the other person, and seeing them as more than just their perceived flaws, can improve the working atmosphere just enough to make real progress feel possible again.
Know when to bring in a calm voice of reason
If you’ve made repeated efforts and nothing has changed, it’s often wise to involve a neutral third party, whether that’s your line manager or someone from HR. This isn’t about tattling or pointing fingers; it’s a strategic move to recalibrate the situation and restore a functional balance.
Over the years, I’ve seen this handled with real grace: a quiet chat in the corridor, a shared coffee with a third person present, and suddenly a situation that felt hopelessly entrenched begins to loosen. Sometimes, a different voice provides the harmony that helps the other two parties hear each other more clearly.
Your reputation is your career’s currency, so protect it
In any challenging interaction, how you conduct yourself is what people will remember. You might feel the urge to vent, to retaliate, or to indulge in a bit of office gossip. My advice? Don’t. Reputations aren’t built when things are easy; they are forged in adversity.
You have to play the long game. Always stay true to your values. Choose professional maturity over the brief satisfaction of letting off steam. Whether you’re leading a small team or managing stakeholders across different sectors, your ability to remain composed under fire becomes your calling card. And yes, people absolutely remember how you made them feel, especially when things were tough.
Let your results lead the relationship
You don’t have to trust everyone you work with. You don’t even have to like them. But you do have a professional obligation to deliver results and to inspire others to do the same.
So, lead with clarity. Hold your boundaries firm. Concentrate on the outcome, not the emotion. In a world where you can’t always choose your colleagues, you can always control how you show up.
As I often tell the teams I work with: trust might eventually follow great results, but respect always begins with consistency. That is the true foundation of every high-performing workplace, and indeed, of every leader worth following.
